The Guardian was today rocked by the news that Football Weekly podcast host James Richardson would be departing the publication and popular show for pastures new.
The departure of the former Football Italia presenter has left many football fans disappointed, but The Guardian has wasted no time in announcing his replacement.
According to a press release from the newspaper today, Richardson will be replaced on the UK’s most popular football podcast by that unhealthy breathing noise Alan Brazil makes into the microphone.
Speaking today, The Guardian’s head of audio Dermot Williams stated that he was delighted to be able to welcome such a prestigious and disturbing sound to Football Weekly.
“Football fans all across Britain are familiar with Alan Brazil and the ungodly sounds emitted from his body on a nearly minute-by-minute basis,” said Williams today, adding that while The Guardian is sad to see Richardson leave, they could not think of a better replacement than the weird sounds that wheeze from Brazil’s lips.
“Throughout the 2017/18 season and beyond, the horrifying groans and never-ending panting will discuss the most pressing football issues with some of The Guardian’s top journalists, as well as hosting a series of live events.”
At press time, the gasps slowly coming from Brazil’s mouth welcomed the news by croaking loudly for an hour.