In a scene described by onlookers as horrific and bloody, a rabid Gunnersaurus embarked on a rampage through North London today after ripping the head off Arsenal majority shareholder Stan Kroenke.
Reportedly nervous after hearing of the launch of Kroenke’s blood sport and animal hunting TV channel, Outdoor TV, the 65 million-year-old bipedal beast is said to have attacked the American businessman early this morning before escaping the Emirates stadium.
According to witnesses who spotted the seven-foot-tall green dinosaur, the Arsenal mascot was last spotted running through the borough of Islington holding Kroenke’s bloodied and decapitated head close to his chest, while screaming and weeping loudly.
“We all heard about Kroenke’s new television show and we were concerned about how Gunnersaurus would react. Obviously, it’s pushed him over the edge. I saw him sprinting past me earlier, he was growling and swiping at people,” said one bystander, adding that she noticed the ferocious theropod was continually shouting the word “survival” as he ran through the street, evading police and emergency workers along the way.
“It’s sad to see this – and obviously none of us wanted Kroenke dead – but can you really blame Gunnersaurus? His entire family is dead and he’s stuck in this godforsaken city working for that club. It’s a wonder he didn’t snap earlier.”
At press time, Gunnersaurus was beginning to feast on the soft flesh on Kroenke’s face as police negotiators were attempting to talk him down from the top of a six-storey shopping centre.