In a scene described by onlookers as both “tense” and “scary”, members of the Metropolitan Police in London are currently attempting to talk a devastated Jim White down from a window ledge of Sky Sports headquarters, after the Scottish journalist responded poorly to news that Premier League clubs had voted to close the summer transfer window early.
According to sources, White – who covers transfer deadline day for Sky Sports News – reacted with pure horror upon hearing of the decision, which he reportedly considers to be a “stab in the back” after years of faithful service.
“Why would they do something like this?! Those couple of weeks are the best days of the years for me. They’re like Christmas, New Years and my birthday all rolled into one. Now I have nothing to look forward to!” shouted the desperate Scot from the 40th story window ledge of the central London building as police attempted to explain to him that deadline day would still take place, only a number of days earlier than it currently does.
“I can’t go on. I just can’t. It’s all over! This is all I have. Breaking news: I have nothing without deadline day. Sources say that Jim White is desperately, desperately sad.”
At press time, relieved officers had reportedly talked the veteran broadcaster down after falsely claiming that a transfer was taking place around the corner.