Arsenal fan starting to wonder if Santi Cazorla ever existed in the first place

Saying that each passing day has left him questioning his own sanity more and more, Arsenal fan Gabriel Crotch today admitted that he is beginning to wonder if Sant Cazorla ever existed in the first place.

The Spanish midfielder has been absent since injuring himself in October and, despite numerous reports of his recovery, remains ruled out for the foreseeable future.

However, speaking after the north London club’s most recent update confirmed Cazorla had returned to light training, Crotch revealed his suspicions about whether the former Villarreal man is actually real, or merely some figment of Gunners fans’ collective imaginations.

“The manager is always saying that he’ll be back next month, or in six months, or next year. At first I didn’t mind waiting but now I’m starting to question whether he’s even real. Did I just imagine him? Did we all just imagine him?” asked the 35-year-old fan, adding that while he thinks he can remember seeing Cazorla play, he’s unsure if it is a real or a false memory brought about by years of hearing his name.

“You always hear about how we shouldn’t trust our memories, about how we remember things differently every time we look back on them. So, yeah, I have a vague recollection of seeing him play but how can I truly know that I didn’t create the entire memory from scratch? These last few years have been tough for us – trophy-wise – so I wouldn’t be surprised if I created him just to have something to look forward to. I just want to know, once and for all.”

At press time, Crotch had met with a group of other Arsenal fans who have been afflicted with the same false memories of the hypothetical Spaniard.