“We must erase the weak among us,” says Gordon Strachan in call for eugenics to improve Scotland squad

Gordon Strachan has advocated for the practice of eugenics in a bid to improve Scotland’s chances of competing with other nations at international level.

Speaking after his team’s elimination from World Cup qualifying at the hands of a 2-2 draw with Slovenia, the former Celtic manager lamented the small physical size of Scottish players and blamed it for their poor performances in recent years.

When asked how such a problem could be dealt with, Strachan urged the Scottish FA and government to consider undertaking the controversial practice of eugenics, which promotes the improvement of the human species by – among other things – discouraging people with defects from reproducing.

“We have the second smallest squad after the Spanish, and when you look at how much shorter and skinnier we are than the rest of the world it’s no wonder we haven’t competed. I want to see this country back at major tournaments and I think the only way to do that is by introducing a nationwide policy of eugenics,” says the manager, adding that he considers artificial manipulation of the country’s gene pool to be a more realistic option than improving the nation’s footballers on a technical and tactical level.

“I wish it hadn’t come to this, but here we are. How can we be expected to compete if we allow the genetics inferiors in this country to reproduce their horrible genes? We must erase the weak among us from our country and create a master race of enormous flame-haired warriors. It might make some liberals uncomfortable but if we exclude the sick, the poor and the infirm it will only be a matter of time before we rule the world.”

Strachan went on to say that while he will continue to champion eugenics, he does believe an exception should be made for short, pale, skinny, ginger-haired men.