Stating that they would continue to push on with a policy that has proven incredibly successful to date, Arsenal’s board of directors officially confirmed plans to sorta fuck around for the next year or so at the club’s annual general meeting today.
The meeting, attended by chief executive Ivan Gazidis and chairman Chips Keswick, was attended by hundreds of shareholders keen to vent frustration at the direction the club is going in and the reasoning behind high-level decisions.
Speaking to those in attendance, Gazidis and Keswick urged supporters to “lighten up” and “chill out” before stating that nothing would prevent them from aimlessly meandering towards its targets.
“Look, we all love this club. There is no disputing that fact. We all want what’s best for Arsenal. That is why we have set out a detailed one point plan to just sorta see what happens, y’know? There’s no point in worrying about it. We’re gonna go with the flow and we’re confident it will be okay,” said Gazidis today, reminding fans that while the club has not been especially successful on the pitch recently, the board have continued to “make a shit load of money” despite doing “virtually nothing”.
“Arsene’s in charge so it’s not like we’ll get relegated or anything, and we’re making a tonne every week. There’s nothing left to do other than sorta mess around for the next while, so that’s what we plan to do.”
The club also sought to alleviate supporters’ concern over the contractual situations of a number of players, insisting that staff would get around to them when it was bothered.