FA chairman Greg Clarke admits organisation has “lost trust of plebs”

Stating that it was an issue which they would try its hardest to address, Football Association chairman Greg Clarke has admitted that the organisation has “lost the trust of plebs” all over the country.

Clarke has found himself under severe pressure due to the FA’s handling the high-profile racism case against former England women’s coach Mark Sampson, with many commentators expecting him to stand down.

However, speaking in the aftermath of the controversy, Clarke said that despite losing the trust of the “country’s dross”, he and other board members would do all they could to get even the dumbest members of British society onside.

“We have let the people down and unfortunately the plebs no longer trust us. They have poked their heads up from their mud huts deep in the ground and given us the seal of disapproval. It’s a sad state of affairs but we deserve it,” said Clarke today, adding that he and his colleagues would work together to regain the trust of “the dregs”.

“They don’t understand much to be honest, but what they can wrap their heads around they don’t like. We should be cozying up to the lowest common denominators of our country, but instead we have angered them. It’s up to us now to get down to their level and try to appeal to them. That might mean making appeals on the side of Spam tins, or taking out ads in trashy magazines. But believe you me, we will not stop until these pieces of trash believe in us again.”