“Even 280 characters isn’t enough to do the majesty of Mourinho justice,” says Duncan Castles

Saying that anything less than a tome’s worth of pages would fall well short of the amount of words necessary, Duncan Castles today admitted that even 280 characters still isn’t enough to do the majesty of Jose Mourinho justice.

Speaking after social media platform Twitter officially doubled the length of tweets for all users, the Scottish journalist said that while it was certainly a welcome upgrade, it was still well below the number needed for him to accurately convey everything good about the Portuguese manager.

“Do I welcome the extra 140 characters on Twitter? Of course I do, as would any journalist of integrity. But in truth, it is like giving me an extra A4 sheet and asking me to paint the intricacies of heaven’s beauty; it simply isn’t enough,” said Castles today, while simultaneously staring at a photograph of Mourinho and writing a scathing article about the Manchester United manager’s rivals.

“How – in just 280 characters – can I truly explain his genius. How – in less than 70 words – can I actually do this demigod anything other than a disservice? His quirks, his intelligence, his steely determination and his beauty; I fear I would require all the characters this world has to offer to get even close to describing what a man he truly is.”

At press time, Castles expressed slight envy for journalists covering other managers, many of whom he stated could be neatly summed up in as few as five characters.