“Why would Alexis join Man Shitty over United?” asks adult man who believes he is capable of raising another human being

Laughing to himself at the very thought of such a situation occurring, an adult man who believes he is capable of raising another human being today used the term “Man Shitty” while discussing the possibility of Alexis Sanchez joining Pep Guardiola’s side.

Speaking shortly after it was revealed that Jose Mourinho had made a late bid for the Chilean striker, Lloyd Brown – a die-hard Manchester United fan and the father of a six-month old daughter named Fergie – questioned why the former Barcelona man would even consider joining the “oily boys” at the “Empty-had”.

“I just don’t understand why there’s even a question about it. If it was only Man Shitty coming in for him I’d get it, but if he has the chance to leave Arse-nil for the best team in the world then it should be an obvious choice,” said the man who is often trusted to care for his child by himself while his wife goes to work.

“It’s not like he’s staying with the Goners or has an offer from Chelshit, it’s an easy decision to choose between Abu Dhabi City and the Red Devils. Let’s just hope he sees sense and realises that history is more important that the Sheikh’s money.”

At press time, Mr. Brown was splitting his time between feeding his infant child and coming up with lyrics for a new chant entitled “Fuck Man Shitty and Liverpoo”.