In an act described by friends and family as “utterly unbelievable”, sources today revealed how a football fan who is unable to boil an egg without burning it successfully unearthed the registration of Naby Keita’s business in the United Kingdom.
The discovery, which took place this week and was subsequently posted on Twitter as proof of the player’s impending arrival, was reportedly the work of Randall Crease, a teenage Liverpool fan who – according to those close to him – despite an in-depth knowledge of Liverpool Football Club’s intricate financial dealings, does not know how to set up a bank account.
“He can’t use a washing machine or boil an egg but somehow he’s able to find the registration details of a previously unheard of business within the space of a few minutes,” said the young man’s mother, describing it as the strangest thing her son had done since the day he uncovered what flight Mohamed Salah was taking to England while also accidentally setting the toaster on fire.
“When I asked him about it he said it was simple and that all he done was cross-referenced the address of Sadio Mane’s business with those of previous Liverpool players, before eventually discovering that this Keita guy had registered in the same place.”
At press time, Crease’s mother revealed that her son had found proof of a home rented by Liverpool’s new Guinean midfielder, before accidentally spilling orange juice and breaking his computer.