Cackling maniacally to himself at the thought of once again silencing “the haters”, a Manchester United fan who is ignored on a day-to-day basis rejoiced today while typing out the phrase “Hated. Adored. Never ignored” on the social media platform Twitter.
Sitting alone in the bedroom of the house which he shares with no one, 31-year-old Red Devils supporter Matt Banner, a man whose comments on almost all subjects are universally greeted with no response, expressed feelings of “pride and joy” as he sent the tweet out to his 231 followers.
“Haha, sticking it the losers again! Whether it’s Arsenal, City, Chelsea or Liverpool fans, they just cannot ignore stop talking about us Red Devils. They are obsessed with us and they don’t even realise it. They’re probably fuming just reading this tweet,” said the man of a tweet which would go on to be glanced at briefly by one solitary person on a website containing 330 million active monthly users.
“That’s one of the beautiful things about supporting United, opposition fans just can’t stop talking about us. Even when they’re talking about their own team they end up bringing it back to what’s happening at Old Trafford. I’d feel bad for how sad and pathetic they are if it wasn’t so funny.”
At press time, Banner sent out a similar message on a total of six more social media platforms – including Facebook, Instagram and Ello – where it reportedly received a collective total of one like.