United Nations announces plan to solve Middle East crisis by showing all parties the new Leeds crest

In a move which the organisation believes may be their best chance yet to bring peace to the region, the United Nations has today announced plans to solve the Middle East crisis by showing the new Leeds United crest to all parties involved.

Numerous generations of politicians have tried and failed to solve the various conflicts in the volatile region, but there was renewed hope at the UN’s New York headquarters today that a short presentation of the Yorkshire club’s new badge could finally bring an end to more than a century of bloodshed.

“The conflict in the Middle East is well known and something which has frustrated thousands of politicians due to its complexity. It has also seen countless lives lost and created millions of refugees. But, thankfully, we feel like we may finally have an answer. We hope that by showing this new Leeds crest to all parties involved in Middle Eastern conflicts, that we can find a common ground in which they all put down their guns, put aside their prejudices, forget their sectarian ideals and laugh at what a piece of shit design it is,” said UN General Secretary António Guterres this afternoon, adding that he and his colleagues were optimistic at the prospect of reconciling such an historically fractured area of the world.

“It’s not just the crest, but everything about it. Six months of work, 10,000 people consulted, and that’s what they came up with?! It is truly laughable. At the end of the day, regardless of how we were raised, what we religion we are or what colour our skin is, we all have a sense of humour and humanity, and we can all appreciate how awful this crest is.”