Insisting that the concurrence of both situations are nothing but a convenient coincidence, a Manchester United fan today stated that his views on the media conspiracy against his club have nothing to do with the fact that he doesn’t currently have a job.
Speaking after what he described as yet another week of “wall-to-wall blatantly negative coverage from the bullshit media” against the team he supports, unemployed 23-year-old Marcus Manning told journalists that his current fixation on proving the media conspiracy against Manchester United is completely unrelated to his employment status.
“For too long the media of England and beyond have felt like they could take free shots at Manchester United just because they’re the biggest club in the world. Anyone with half a brain can see it, if they’re willing to admit. Unfortunately not many are,” said the man who for the past three months has – upon waking daily at midday – begun Twitter searches for anything that could be deemed even remotely negative about the club.
“The suggestion that I’m passionate about this because I don’t have a job and I spend all day in my house in my boxers while browsing the internet is absolutely absurd. Even if I did have a job I’d still find the time to spend 12 hours of my day on social media letting people know what is really going on. I am merely saying what no journalist is brave enough to say: Man Utd are treated like crap.”
At press time, Manning was reportedly attempting to appease his mother’s complaints about a lack of job prospects by informing her that he had just that minute discovered further evidence of how far the anti-Man Utd conspiracy goes to the top of British journalism.