Category: Football

Crisp-loving football fan to boycott walking in protest of Gary Lineker

In a move the portly gentleman described as his way of sticking it to the “champagne socialist”, a football fan and crisp-lover today announced that he will boycott walking in protest of Gary Lineker. Angrily bemoaning the outspoken political beliefs…

Ronaldo proud to surpass Messi with birth of second and third child

Cristiano Ronaldo today expressed pride at surpassing rival Lionel Messi after the both of his twins today.  The Portuguese striker had previously been one child down to his Argentinian counterpart prior to the birth of Ronaldo’s second and third, and…

the sun tits

The Sun launches new “Footballers’ Girlfriends’ Tits” section

In a move the publication has described as further proof of its superiority over its rivals, The Sun today launched its new section entitled “Footballers’ Girlfriends’ Tits”. Speaking at the launch of the newest addition to its website, editor Tony…

sun offer

Sunderland owner weighs up offer to fire club into the sun

Saying that the offer deserved to be given serious thought, Sunderland’s owner Ellis Short today admitted that he’s weighing up an offer to fire the club into the sun. The club, recently relegated from the Premier League, are currently manager-less…

may-pep-bald

Theresa May refuses to confirm whether or not Pep is bald

British Prime Minister Theresa May has been criticised after refusing to confirm whether or not Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola is bald. The question over the density of Guardiola’s hair was posed to May by Jeremy Paxman during last night’s…