slaves world cup

“World Cups are fucking expensive without slaves,” say organisers

Claiming that their behaviour was nothing more than “financially sensible”, organisers of the next two World Cups – in Russia and Qatar – have defended their use of slaves, insisting that organising the tournaments is “fucking expensive” without them. Speaking after reports…

yer da flag

Yer da to spend day wearing St. George’s Cross t-shirt

Yer da is set to wear his St. George’s flag t-shirt for the entire day, sources close to your family confirmed today. Citing the impending triggering of Article 50, the death of Martin McGuinness and England’s friendly match against Germany…

qatar hats

Qatar 2022 to give workers cooling hats that reduce liability over deaths

Saying that the technological innovation will revolutionise the way their stadiums are built, the organisers of the Qatar 2022 World Cup today announced that they will give construction workers cooling hats which they believe will reduce liability over any workplace…

NEWS IN VIEW: João Havelange bribes way into heaven

In his final act of corruption, former FIFA president and recently-deceased João Havelange reportedly bribed his way into heaven yesterday, after handing St. Peter a large brown briefcase.